Today is going to officially be my last day of quarantine updates as I return to work on a regular biases today. I am not going to lie I am feeling really anxious about going to work today. I just feel that everything is changing so fast that by the time I get used to things they immediately change and I am not so great with change. I only got like 4 hours of sleep last night cause I just could not sleep and I spent most of yesterday feeling really blah and tired. I was just so unmotivated and unproductive. The rest of the week before that was pretty good. I had a really nice system down that was really nice. I am going to miss being home all the time. I was definitely made for staying home. I just prefer to be by myself and talk to the three people that I actually like. I dislike the outside world greatly and harbor 0 desires to return to it, but it is only 6 hours. It will be okay. Its all going to be okay.
Oh look a phone post! I went to work today. I was only supposed to be there for 2-3 hours and then ended up there for 4 almost 5. It was great (she says sarcastically). But really we got a shipment in and hopefully we will be opening back up again soon! I have to go in again tomorrow from 9 to god knows when but hopefully I will be done soon. Going into work kinda throws off my entire routine cause I’m not prepared for it. Usually I schedule everything around work but now I kinda schedule work around everything else and since I can’t say no well that means everything gets thrown off. Well see how this goes!
I am going to get back to posting daily I promise! Or at least I am going to try. The past couple of days have actually been really good and I have been able to be productive. Usually if I don’t wake up at a certain time I feel like I can’t be productive cause its not “perfect” or the day didn’t start according to plan. But the past few days I have been waking up when I wake up and then I brush my teeth and wash my face, then have breakfast and get dressed, and then I make my bed and then I sit down at my desk and make my to do list for the day and then I just do things on the list and I don’t put pressure on my self to finish the whole thing in one day. I do what I can do and the rest I move till tomorrow. At night I stop working on what ever I am working on, usually studying, by 8PM and then I shower have a snack and go to bed. Its been really nice.
I also am back on my Wednesday cleaning schedule which is kinda a relief. It went all willy nilly there for a minuet and I did not like it. I have also been doing my school work everyday which has been helpful or it will be helpful when I don’t have to do it all on Sunday. I have two finals next week and then the third on the 20th. Then I’ll be done. I’m actually kind of worried about my GPA, I need to have at least a 2.5 to transfer to Sam Houston and I have no idea if I am going to have that. I emailed an advisor and I am just waiting to hear back. If I don’t hear anything on Friday I am going to email again. I currently have two B’s and one C which I think I can possibly bring up to two A’s (at least one A for sure) and a B. The problem is I failed these exact classes last semester which is why I was put on Academic Suspension. I think these classes just “replace” those kinda but I’m not sure. I hope it won’t effect my graduating. I guess well shall see what happens. I am just going to keep moving forward no matter what. It will all work out in the end.
So here’s the thing. I am currently emotionally fragile and kinda depressed. I have three chapters of Bio and a Bio test that is due in 23 hours and 58 minuets. I also have a photography project and three chapters of Art to read due on Monday. I also need to finish ;laundry, vacuum my room, wash my sheets and so a face mask cause my skin be looking rough. You wanna know how I spent my day instead of doing any of that? Playing an iPhone dragon game. I need a bit of a reset. I am going to try and pull an all nighter and reset my schedule a bit. I very much would like to go back to my human hours and get away from my gremlin hours. So here’s the plan: Step One: Do NOT sit or lie in bed for any reason. Step Two: Do NOT play merge dragons on my phone. Step Three: rotate my tasks when I get task fatigue so I am doing something different instead of giving up (also take breaks). I don’t even know if I can pull an all nighter anymore but we are going to see. Wish me luck.
Edit: I changed my mind I am going to force myself to get up early in the morning and do it then.
I know, I know I haven’t posted in a couple of days. I had an research paper due yesterday that I put off and I buried myself in it and by they time I got to tired to work on it I didn’t want to type anymore. Honestly there wasn’t really anything new to say on days 34 and 35 anyway. Everything was kinda numb now.
Today was pretty good. Was able to wake up before 9AM and I did a whole chapter of Biology. It was good and productive!
Nothing really of note happened on day 32. Honestly I don’t even remember what I did. I did go to work today for a few hours and then came home and took a nap. Had such a strong craving fro chocolate chip pancakes that I thought that was what we were having for dinner. Alas we did not. I have remained unproductive for the day.
Last night was pretty rough cause I didn’t go to sleep till like 6AM so I spent most of the day sleeping, but I was able to get all my homework done. I was actually going over all the stuff I have left to do for school this semester and realized that I am very close to being finished and to me that’s just insane cause that means I am very close to getting my associates degree. After homework the day was very chill. I watched Bindi Irwin’s wedding special with my mom. I was a huge Steve Irwin fan (and still am) when I was a kid. I have cried over only 2 celebrity deaths and those were Steve Irwin and Robin Williams. Irwin was my absolute hero and my first celebrity crush; I was absolutely enamored with him. I have just loved watching her grow up and I know her dad would be so proud of her. Her and Chandler make me believe in soulmates.
Well kids we mad it a whole ass month in quarantine and lemme tell you I simultaneously love it and hate it. I love it cause I love not having to deal with people and not having to go anywhere and I get to see my parents, especially my mom since we often work opposite schedules, whenever I want. I hate it cause I have no purpose, time means nothing, and I have reverted to the goblin I am. I think things are going to start opening back up again here soon. Gov. Abbott announced Retail To-Go the other day, I have no idea how that one would work but its something I guess. My company is figuring out next steps so I guess we shall see. I personally think its a bit early. The US numbers in general are pretty high still. I mean I have 320 current cases in my hometown as I type this and if I was a governing official I would wait till that number was at least below 10 preferably 5 but that is just me. As far as the day goes I wasn’t a full on sloth like normal and I had bouts of productivity. Tomorrow I am going to try my very best to be actually productive. It seems I have about a week of a depressive episode and 4-5 days of mania and then back to depression. I can handle that cycle I think. it has not been the best so far but it hasn’t been 2010 bad or even 2013 bad so I think we are doing pretty great! I call it a win!
I made it to my desk today so there is that. I also went to bed yesterday at 1AM instead of 3 so that is also god news. I went in to work today and started packing up our Easter products so hopefully we will be reopening soon. I got a cookie today.
Another post written from my phone cause I am to tired to get out of bed. I didn’t go to bet till 7am last night. I woke up at 3. Time is meaningless. I want a cookie. That is all.