Hello and Welcome to my blog! I highly doubt that anyone is going to read it other than maybe me and my friends who I will inevitably tell I made this and they will then demand to see it, but for some reason, you are not me or them then let me tell you a tiny bit about me. I am a nearly 30-something who posts very irregularly (I am trying to work on that) mostly about books and my life, but sometimes I through in the occasional movie, TV show, or creative writing piece. I’m pretty boring usually but I’ll try my best to be entertaining and if not well at least I tried. Enjoy and welcome to the wonderful mess that is my life.

My name is Jacqueline and when I was 19 I was diagnosed with slow-cycling Bipolar Disorder II, which is basically the same as Bipolar Disorder except that I don’t experience manic episodes, or at least manic episodes in the way that many people may be familiar with, what I experience is called hypomania which usually swings into a major depressive episode. Hypomania is just an elevated mood that I often compare to what I like to call “Normal People Happy” cause that’s what it feels like to me personally. Basically, when I have a hypomanic episode I feel happy and very energetic. I want to be doing all the things all the time and tend to be incredibly productive during this time. I often don’t sleep or eat much when I’m hypomanic. The slow cycling part just means that instead of my mood changing multiple times a day or week it changes every 6 to 8 months. The longest cycle I ever had lasted for 18 months before I came into an upswing. My depressive episodes tend to last the longest with them being several months long and the hypomanic episodes tend to only be days long with the longest one being about maybe two weeks. I would very much like to say that it is under control and that I am handling it, but that would be a lie. At this point of in my life, it controls me and I want to fix that. I want to find myself again and I am going to use this blog to document that journey.

For a very long time, I have done things for other people. I have dropped everything to help friends in need, I have stressed myself out trying to be the daughter I thought my parents would want, and I have bent over backward trying to please everyone around me. I give everything I have to others, which leaves me with nothing. So I have finally decided to take my own advice and put myself first. This year, 2017, is going to be the year of self-love. I am going to do everything I can for myself. I am going to take myself on dates, I am going to give myself compliments, and I am going to stop being so hard on myself. This year I am going to find me and I am going to love her.

Just a little 2024 update for those of you who may be just joining the fun here, It’s been 7 years and I am still working on finding myself and the whole self-love thing. I did start therapy again about 2 years ago and I simply adore my therapist. She is absolutely wonderful. So we are working on it actively. I still empty my tank for the sake of others and my mental health still seems to be driving the car but sometimes we switch seats at the rest stop and I get to drive so things are getting better. I still hold myself to impossible standards and beat myself up for not meeting them but one day I won’t do that anymore. I am determined to find peace and protect it as much as I can. I am still determined to find me and love her to death.

This is a contact page with some basic contact information and a contact form.