Little Stories

Midnight Musings #3

Warning: This Midnight Musings is going to be about sex, rape, rape culture, and will also contain cussing. Also this is all of the top of my head and my own opinion.

Hi! Welcome to Midnight Musings brought to you by insomnia and depression. So I was scrolling on my phone and I decided that I was going to watch some Netflix, as one does, cause I was obviously not sleeping anytime soon. So I popped on Netflix and decided to watch 365 Dni (365 Days), because I have heard so much about and it and well I was… I would really like to say disappointed but I knew going in that I was most likely not going to like it… really I was just flabbergasted. The whole movie is just a high budget porno with better acting and no “money” shots. The plot, the term plot is used very loosely here, is that Massimo is a mafia boss who has an obsession with Laura and kidnaps her and gives her 365 days to fall in love with him before he will let her go. This movie started as a Wattpad book and really the only Wattpad trope that this movie is missing is that Massimo isn’t a werewolf (honestly would have made the movie better). The first 20 minuets or so of the movie is just really filler cause it sets up absolutely nothing other then to say why Massimo is the boss. After having a fight with her boyfriend on her birthday vacation to Sicily, Italy, Laura runs away to the streets and eventually gets kidnapped by some of Massimo’s men. When she wakes up she is in a extravagant room that is eventually unlocked and as she is trying to find the exit she turns to see a huge ass portrait of her and she is caught off guard and then Messimo is behind her saying “Are you lost, Baby Girl?” (Also I would like it known that there is one man and one man only that is allowed to call me Baby Girl and that is Shemar More.) She faints, cause duh, and when she comes to he explains that he has been obsessed with her for 5 years and basically stalking her and he has now kidnapped her and is giving her 365 days to fall in love with him. Which is just so fucked up. Like if you want someone to love you maybe… I don’t know… try asking them on a fucking date first?! Like Massimo his fucking HOT he could have just asked her. Anyway I digress, after she understandably tells him to fuck off he spends the next 10 minuets being VERY rough with her telling her that “he won’t touch her without her permission,” which he TOTALLY does like a lot. Like he’d fondling her breast .5 seconds after saying that. He’s also like “don’t provoke me. I don’t know how to be gentle.” Of course she is feisty and what I assume the author imagines a bratty submissive to be like. Really she is just really hot and cold one second she’s all up in his business and the nest shes telling to get fucked. She makes one VERY WEAK attempt to escape and eventually submits to him. Laura claims to be in love with him even though they have known each other for 2 months and have really haven’t have any kind of conversation that doesn’t involve some kind of twisted foreplay. He also refuses to tell her exactly what it is he dose and keeps her in the dark about basically everything.

Most of the sex scenes in this movie are graphic and rough. They are a distorted image of what it means to be a Dominate/Submissive relationship. At one point he chains her to a bed, with out her consent, and has another women preform oral sex on him as she is forced to watch. There are also several scenes where he says things along the lines of “I am going to fuck you when I want, where I want, whether you want to or not.” The whole thing is sick and twisted and a perverted view of what it means to be a part of the BDSM community. Yet a quick scroll through any social media under the hashtag 365 days and you will see hundreds if not thousands of women and young women (15-17) that are absolutely in love with Massimo and think his treatment of Laura is perfect and that’s the kind of relationship they want to have. When as a society have relationships and dating become so fucking toxic that we look to things like 365 Dni or even 50 Shades of Grey and go “you know what that relationship is better then the one I am in/have been in and that’s really hot.” Like I get wanting to have really hot sex. I do. I too want to have earth shattering sex, I just want to do it with someone who loves and respects me enough to not only have conversations about what gives us BOTH gratification but also the limits of those gratifications and the tolls they can take.

The BDSM community is one of constant communication. Partners have to communicate what they are and are not okay with, what their safe words are, what are hard limits and what are soft limits. BDSM sessions can be mentally, emotionally, and physically taxing and thus after care for both Dom and Sub is incredibly important to keeping communication, trust, and love in the relationship. I am so sick and tired of seeing people take this and turn it into some toxic ass fetish. Movies and books like 365 Dni and 50 Shades of Grey take the rough sex of the BDSM world, but none of the communication or after care. Hell in 50 Shades, Christian ignores her safe words entirely, is unnecessarily rough taking her virginity, and leaves her alone after a particularly violent session to crash. All of that is some toxic ass bullshit. I can also not stress this enough, YOU CAN NOT SIGN AWAY YOUR CONSENT! I will never understand why movies like these, that perpetuate toxic stereotypes, rape, and unwanted violent sexual acts, become so popular and women find them so “hot” and “sexy”. I know healthy relationships that function aren’t always the sexiest thing, but they can be.

A Court of Thorns and Roses spoilers ahead.

Take Rhys, form A Court of Thorns and Roses, for example. I will have a comprehensive review of A Court of Mist and Fury and A Court of Wings and Ruin up in July, but Rhys and Feyre’s relationship was so beautiful to read and MY GOD WAS IT HOT AND STEAMY! Chapter 48 and 55 told me I was single in about 65 different languages. Rhys respects Feyre and lets her do things on her own terms. He never forced her to do anything and always let her make her own choices. He treats her with such love, respect and humanity. He knows hes in love with her and that she is his mate really early, but because of that bond all he wants for her is to be happy. He is willing to let her marry Tamlin because he thinks it will make her happy. It isn’t until she asks for help that he comes to her aid. So not only is their relationship built of friendship, trust, mutual respect and constant communication, BUT they have some of the smuttiest sex I have ever read and I have read A LOT of fanfiction. There is a way to present healthy relationships in media with out loosing any of the steamy factor and yet screenwriters and authors alike choose to perpetuate toxicity instead. In a world of Christian Greys and Massimos be a Rhys. Find a Rhys. Cause ladies we don’t have time for this toxic bullshit anymore.

May Wrap Up

I have my reading mojo back, baby! May was a really goo reading month for me and I was able to read 6 books. 6 seems to be my cap for the amount of books I read in a month but I am hoping to break that in June.

Shes the Republics IT girl. Hes the Republics most wanted. Together they hate each other.

I read the Legend Trilogy by Marie Lu when it first came out years ago and I loved them. Last year she released a new book in the series, Rebel, and I wanted to reread the first three to remind myself what happened, cause it has been awhile, before I read it. I still love this trilogy and it is very reminiscent of things that are going on in the world today. The story takes place years in the future and the United States has been divided into the Republic of America and The Colonies of America and they have been shaped by massive floods. The Republic and The Colonies have been at war for decades and The Republic has devised a system to create the best soldiers based on genetics and skill called the Trial. June is The Republics prodigy. She comes from an affluent family and is the only person to score a perfect score on her Trial. Day is The Republics most wanted criminal, but they have no idea who he is. He is basically The Republic’s version of Robin Hood. Through a serious of events they are thrown together and they uncover evidence that suggest The Republic may not be what it seems. This is a classic enemies to lovers romance full of espionage, conspiracies, and dystopia realness. I gave this four stars mostly because the romance, despite the enemies to loves plot, it was a bit insta-lovey and it is paced kinda slow. There is a lot of action in it but it was just a tad bit slow. If you love the Divergent series or The Hunger Games series then you will love Legend and I will pretty much always recommend it to people looking for a good YA dystopian.

They want to kill each other. They don’t succeed.

I HAVE SO MANY FEELINGS ABOUT THIS BOOK! So much so I literally sent my friend a copy and made her read it too. This is the first Kathryn Purdie novel I have read and she is such a beautiful writer and I am totally hooked and ordered another one of her books while I wait impatiently for Bone Crier’s Dawn. Bone Cries’s Moon is based off the French folklore Les Dames Blanches or The White Witches (which is the same folklore that Serpent & Dove is based off, but trust me they are very different stories.) The story is told from the point of views of Sabine, Ailesse, and Bastien. Sabine and Ailesse are Leurress’, or Bone Crier’s, that gain the graces of the animals that they ceremoniously hunt, by taking, carving, and wearing the animals bones. They then use these graces are then used to ferry the dead to either Tyrus’s underworld or Elara’s heavens. Sabine only has one grace bone and finds it difficult to take the life of the animals she needs to. She is sweet and loyal and Ailesse’s best friend. Ailesse is fierce and passionate and dreams of joining her mother in ferrying the dead through the gates. To do this she must collect three grace bones and then complete a ritual to lure her amouré, or her soulmate, and then killing him in order to prove her loyalty to Tyrus and Elara. Bastion hate Bone Crier’s ever since one of them killed his father. He has dedicated his entire life, along with his friends Jules and her brother Marcel, to learning about them and waiting for his chance to kill one of their kind. Of course neither Ailesse nor Bastian’s plans go to plan and everything goes awry. If you loved Serpent & Dove you will adore this book! Sabine was my favorite character cause I love her strength and her loyalty to her friend and man she has some MAJOR character development. I love the romance between Bastion and Ailesse. This is the creme de la creme of enemies to lovers (the trope I will die with). I CANNOT wait for February 2021 for the squeal! 5 stars and everyone needs to go read it like ASAP!

Nerds Unite in the Line!

This is just a cute little read about two Star Wars nerds in a line and what that means to them. Its about 60 pages long and just a super cute short bit of fluff. If I am being 100% honest I would love more from this story, but I love it for what it is. Perfect if you are in a reading slump.

Saving the kingdom is a thankless job

Poison was actually published posthumously which is pretty cool. This book gives me like Princess Bride/Monty Python vibes. It has nods to modern life, like apartments and room service, but in a definitely in a middle age type setting. Kyra is a Master Potioner who is on the run for trying to assassinate the the princess… who happens to be her best friend. Unfortunately her assassination attempt failed and in order to save the kingdom she must succeed in killing the princess. In order to try again she needs to find the princess, so with the help of a very adorable pig and an incredibly handsome, slightly annoying stranger named Fred she sets out to do just that. This again was a good quick, fun, fluffy read. The pacing was a bit off and it does feel like it was missing some things, like it wasn’t 100% flushed out. I would definitely recommend it if someone was looking for something specific but I wasn’t really like a mind blowing journey. It was a three star read for me. It was good and it was enjoyable but it was no Bone Crier’s Moon.

Beauty and the Beast with a Fae twist!

So this was a combo between Tik Tok made me read it and Tik Tok made my best friend read it and thus made me read it. And I am so glad that I did! There is so much to unpack with this book cause really its just a moment. Feyre’s family has fallen from wealth and now can barley put food on the table. It is up to Feyre to put food on the table since her father can’t move with his busted knee and her sisters are too busy lamenting over their old life and how far they have fallen. On a hunting expedition Feyre kills a wolf that ended up being a faerie in wolf’s clothing. The fae are a vicious and cruel race that humans fought a war against 500 years ago and have a fragile peace with. To atone for the fae’s murder Feyre is whisked away to the land of Prythian to live out the rest of her days in the Spring Court. Tamlin is the master of the house that serves as her gilded prison. I loved this story so much! The first half of the book is the Beauty and the Beast story we are all familiar with; the second half is where everything gets flipped on its head. Lucian is my man and I love him. He is just the epitome of a sass king and snaps for Lucian. Feyre on the other hand isn’t my fav heroine in a book. She can be annoying at times and I feel like she needs to pay attention more. I love Tamlin I do, but if you are at ALL failure with the hype that is the ACOTAR fandom you know there is better (and there is better). This was another five star read for me and everyone needs to pick it up ASAP. Like seriously go and read it right now. I mean it.

My babies!

I read this book back in August of 2019 and I RAVED about it. Well….. I STILL LOVE IT. This book gives me life and if you want to read my full review it is in my August wrap up. This is one of my all time favorite books and again everyone needs to read it yesterday.

Life Update

I FUCKING DID IT! I just took my last final of the semester and I got a 90! Which means that I will officially graduate with an Associates of Arts degree. I took me 7 years of going to school on and off, mental break downs, one suicide attempt, one round of intensive outpatient treatment, at least 5 different medications, and MANY hours of therapy, but I am here. I have a degree. I had a good cry (of happy tears), a dance party to Try Everything and I am going to make myself a funfetti cake. I have a long way to go before I achieve my dream of being a librarian, but I am one step closer to being there and I am so relieved and happy! I am also so incredibly proud of myself for doing it. CAUSE I FUCKING DID IT BRO!

Basically my happy dance!

Quarantine Days 43-50

Today is going to officially be my last day of quarantine updates as I return to work on a regular biases today. I am not going to lie I am feeling really anxious about going to work today. I just feel that everything is changing so fast that by the time I get used to things they immediately change and I am not so great with change. I only got like 4 hours of sleep last night cause I just could not sleep and I spent most of yesterday feeling really blah and tired. I was just so unmotivated and unproductive. The rest of the week before that was pretty good. I had a really nice system down that was really nice. I am going to miss being home all the time. I was definitely made for staying home. I just prefer to be by myself and talk to the three people that I actually like. I dislike the outside world greatly and harbor 0 desires to return to it, but it is only 6 hours. It will be okay. Its all going to be okay.

March & April Wrap Up

We interrupt your regularly scheduled quarantine programming for some bookish content (I know finally, right?). I have been in a bit of a reading slump in April not going to lie as I have mentioned before all of this quarantine business has really messed with my schedule and has just thrown me for a complete loop. So, unless I finish Legend by Marie Lu today, I will have only read 2 books for April (Spoiler, I did not finish Legend.). March on the other hand was a very different story, I read 6 books total. Six for some reason tends to be the number I just cannot get past. It is the greatest number of books I have read in one month since I started keeping track. I really want to beat it, maybe May will be the month I do.

Houston, We are Fucked.

I can’t even begin to tell you how much I enjoyed this book. It was such a joy to read and it had everything I need in a book. It is funny at parts, dramatic at others, and emotional in others. I was a bit concerned going into it cause it’s an adult sci-fi novel and I thought I wasn’t going to be able to get passed all the science jargon, but I was actually able to keep up better than I thought I would be able to. Now I cannot explain what Watney did or how he did it, but I could visualize what he was doing so I was not getting lost in the science and math of it all. Weir is a beautiful writer that combines the technical aspects of what he is writing about and the entertainment aspects into a vivid and imaginative story. I also loved how the book jumps back and forth from Mars to Earth I think it really added to the story and it gave way for some truly beautiful one liner. As soon as I finished the book I did go back and watch the movie (again). I saw the movie when it first came out and I had not read the book yet, but I had not seen it since it came out and I wanted to compare it to the book. Lucky for me I was not disappointed at all! For the most part the movie is about 90% book accurate. There were a few things that differed but nothing major and I could see why they took out what they took out and put it in what they put in. They did change one characters last name and his religion, which I do not know why they did, but at least they kept him Indian cause he was Indian in the book. So, nothing was whitewashed which was nice to see. Overall, I give the book 5 stars and the movie 4 stars.

Men are Trash.

There are spoilers in this review.

The Surface Breaks is a feminist retelling of The Little Mermaid by Has Christian Anderson. I enjoyed this book, a solid 4 stars, as far as the feminism goes that really doesn’t come into play till the last 100 pages or so (maybe even 50 pages) but it does make some great commentary about societies view on the place of women in society throughout the book. I wish Gaia had found her inner power a bit earlier in the book I think it would have made for a more compelling plot, but because she didn’t find her strength till closer to the end I really want a sequel of her exploring that strength and bringing down the patriarchy. Alas this book is a standalone and not likely to get a sequel. I did like that as far as retelling go I love that O’Neill incorporated parts of the original story that tend to get left out of retellings, for instance in the original fairy tale when he tail gets turned to legs every step she takes feels like pins and needles and is incredibly painful. It was nice to see O’Neill include this detail. It added to the story as the cost of the magic and a way to manifest the emotional pain she had been suffering for years at the expense of her place within the merpeoples society. Spoiler, but this story does not have your traditional fairy tale ending. Gaia does not end up with the prince in the end in fact she does not even really end up alive. They originally also don’t have a happy ending, she the prince marries another and she turns into sea foam. In O’Neill’s version she ends up turning into a rusalka, which is the Slavic version of a siren. They sing out and lure sailors to their death to seek revenge for how they were treated in their human life. Overall, the story was great and the only reason that it was 4 stars instead of 5 was because it just felt rushed in the end and there could have been more depth to it.

A Bladed Fan is the Perfect Accessory to Any Ballgown.

I cannot even begin to tell you how much I love this series! Carriger just does such a brilliant job with world building and character development that it’s just such an enchanting read (or in my case listen). I have been steadily working my way through the Finishing School series on audio book and I just adore the women who reads them, Moira Quirk, she just has such a lovely voice and it just adds a lovely element to the story. In this installment Sophronia finds herself and her friends mixed up in a Picklemen plot quite accidentally as her original mission was to get Sidheag to Scotland to help her wolf pack. I love Sophronia so much! She is quick witted, strong, adventurous, and loyal, but if I had to pick a favorite it will forever and always be Dimity. I love how her goal is to be the wife of some noble and travel the world before coming back to England and being a staple in society despite going to a school for espionage and all of her friends respect that about her and don’t try to change her. I also love the friendship she has with Sophronia. Even though she isn’t the best intelligencer she always has Sophronia and Sidheag’s backs no matter what. I will say that I am totally Team Soap, but I do adore Felix and Sophronia does not give him enough credit. But Soap is her perfect match, they are always on the same page and they read each other like books. Five Stars!

Two Women. One House. Decades Apart.

Tigger Warning: Themes of Abuse and Rape

Recipe for a Perfect Wife is an absolute must read! I enjoyed it so much. It offers such great commentary on what it means to be married and what it means to be married to the correct person and to not lose yourself in your marriage. Alice Hale is a publishing executive, or at least was until the incident, and lives with her husband in their minuscule apartment in New York City, or again she did till the incident. The Incident changed Alice’s life and had her trading in her minuscule, but beloved apartment, in for a mid-century home that had seen better days (but at least it had a beautiful garden) and trading her extra high work heels for a spatula and ovulation kits. Nellie Murdoch on the other hand is a 1950s housewife. She lives in her modern home with her husband Richard and spends her time tending to her beautiful garden, the best on the block, and making mouthwatering meals. At first glance these women have nothing in common but as Alice delves deeper into fixing up her house, she learns more and more about Nellie’s life in it, but Nellie has her secrets and Alice has her own problems. Brown did a brilliant job crafting a beautifully poignant story about two women decades apart but yet so eerily similar. While Nellie and Alice do not necessarily have the exact same marital issues their husbands harbor some of the same red flags. Richard, Nellie’s husband, tends to be controlling and demanding as well as violent at times. While Nate, Alice’s husband, is never shown to be violent he is demanding and controlling. While Nellie was such a joy to read and I adored her character it was Alice’s character that I resonated with. She is at a point in her life where she is just lost and not sure where the next step all the while dealing with a husband whose life plan is not what she thought it was going to be. Alice had always seen herself as a city girl with a big job in publishing and sure wanted kids but wasn’t ready for them and then all of a sudden she is whisked off to the suburbs to be a housewife and trying for a baby. This book was quick to end up on my favorites of 2020 list! Highly recommend it to anyone looking for something entertaining with some depth to it. This also made me want to start baking and gardening while wearing vintage clothes.

A Girl Can Cut Open Cadavers and be Fashionable.

There is nothing I want more in this world to be a Victorian lady in a Historical YA novel. I love me some Victorian vibes, it is my favorite era other than the reign of the Henry the VIII, and this book brings them hard. I enjoyed Audrey Rose as a character. She is headstrong, determined, quick witted, and fashionable. I do wish she was bit less of the “I’m not like other girls’ trope” though. She doesn’t really have any female friends which I always love to see and there is a bit of insta-love between her and Thomas Cresswell but I will forgive it cause honestly if faced with Thomas Cresswell I would fall in love instantly too. I love the friendship these to have and I also love that Thomas is always impeccable dressed and yet seems to have a complete disregard for all of societies norms. The flirting between these two is absolutely A+. I really enjoyed it and look forward to reading the rest of the series. The only reason I gave it 4 stars and not five is that it was pretty easy for me to figure out who the killer was based on the blurb on the back of the book, which is all the fault of the publisher and none on the part of the author. Had that blurb not been there I would not have even begun to guess the identity of the killer till much closer to the end. High recommend to anyone who loves a good historical mystery!

Ireland Heals All Wounds

Addie, out heartbroken heroine, is in Ireland for her aunt’s wedding and after the wedding she is supposed to board a plane to see her best friend in Italy with her brother Ian, but Ian has other plans. In order to secure her future Addie ends up trekking across Ireland with Ian and Ian’s cute mystery friend all the while following a travel guide of Ireland for the broken hearted. When I say this book made me want to go to Ireland I wanted to jump on the next plane. This is the first book I ever read from Welch and it is part of her Love & Gelato series, which is a series like Anna and The French Kiss is a series, meaning you can read any book in the series without reading the other but if you do read the others your favorite characters may make an appearance. Love & Luck is the second one with Love & Gelato being the first. As soon as I finished Love & Luck, I immediately bought Love & Gelato. This was such a light and fluffy read that was just super quick and easy which is perfect if you are in a bit of a reading slump. I fully expected this to be romance heavy, but it was more focused on friendship and family which was really refreshing. Now there is an implied romance, but nothing is really explicitly said or done about it. I loved how the focus was on mending Ian and Addie’s relationship, Addie learning how to heal form heartbreak and lean on her friends and family when she needs to. This is also a favorite of 2020!

All in a Days Espionage.

Sophronia once again finds herself in at the center of a Picklemen plot, only this time it involves the school. What is an intelligencer to do? Put on her most stylish ballgown and save the school of course! Again, I listened to Manners & Mutiny on audio book and I loved it. This whole series was five stars for me, and it is one of the best series I have read in a while. I was delighted by the ending and how everything played out. I have such a deep love for all these characters that I want nothing more to read more of their story. I know some of these characters show up in the two other series that take place in the same universe and I cannot wait!  

What’s Worse: Being Italian or Soulless?

Soulless is the first book in The Parasol Protectorate series by Gail Carriger. It takes place 26 years or so after the events of Manner & Mutiny and follows Alexia Terabotti, who has the unfortunateness to be half Italian and soulless (but only the supernatural set know about the soulless part). This is also an adult series as compared to the YA prequal. This was also an audiobook for me and at first, I was a bit put off because the narrator is not the same narrator from the Finishing School series. I kind of grew attached to Moira Quirk’s voice and how she pronounced certain names and the women who narrates The Parasol Protectorate series, Emily Gray, pronounced things a bit different and it through me for a loop at first. I eventually settled in and was able to get into the story and now I do not even notice. I love Alexia! She is smart and her sense of humor is so undeniable British it makes for some scathing retorts. He inner dialogue is utterly fantastic. I love the relationship she had with Lord Maccon (Sidheag’s grandfather). They have such great banter and chemistry! I also love how he loves her just the way she is even though all of English society seems to want to change her in some way. I also love the fact that Alexia had a knack for getting into trouble without really trying. Several characters from the prequals make an appearance in the first book, such as Lord Maccon and Lord Akeldama. It was always a thrill when one would show up. One of the things I love most about Carriger’s world is the way the supernatural are portrayed and the natural laws that they have to follow and I love how one becomes supernatural and the role Alexia plays in it! Not shockingly this was another five-star read for me!

Quarantine Day 42

Oh look a phone post! I went to work today. I was only supposed to be there for 2-3 hours and then ended up there for 4 almost 5. It was great (she says sarcastically). But really we got a shipment in and hopefully we will be opening back up again soon! I have to go in again tomorrow from 9 to god knows when but hopefully I will be done soon. Going into work kinda throws off my entire routine cause I’m not prepared for it. Usually I schedule everything around work but now I kinda schedule work around everything else and since I can’t say no well that means everything gets thrown off. Well see how this goes!

Quarantine Days 38-41

I am going to get back to posting daily I promise! Or at least I am going to try. The past couple of days have actually been really good and I have been able to be productive. Usually if I don’t wake up at a certain time I feel like I can’t be productive cause its not “perfect” or the day didn’t start according to plan. But the past few days I have been waking up when I wake up and then I brush my teeth and wash my face, then have breakfast and get dressed, and then I make my bed and then I sit down at my desk and make my to do list for the day and then I just do things on the list and I don’t put pressure on my self to finish the whole thing in one day. I do what I can do and the rest I move till tomorrow. At night I stop working on what ever I am working on, usually studying, by 8PM and then I shower have a snack and go to bed. Its been really nice.

I also am back on my Wednesday cleaning schedule which is kinda a relief. It went all willy nilly there for a minuet and I did not like it. I have also been doing my school work everyday which has been helpful or it will be helpful when I don’t have to do it all on Sunday. I have two finals next week and then the third on the 20th. Then I’ll be done. I’m actually kind of worried about my GPA, I need to have at least a 2.5 to transfer to Sam Houston and I have no idea if I am going to have that. I emailed an advisor and I am just waiting to hear back. If I don’t hear anything on Friday I am going to email again. I currently have two B’s and one C which I think I can possibly bring up to two A’s (at least one A for sure) and a B. The problem is I failed these exact classes last semester which is why I was put on Academic Suspension. I think these classes just “replace” those kinda but I’m not sure. I hope it won’t effect my graduating. I guess well shall see what happens. I am just going to keep moving forward no matter what. It will all work out in the end.

Quarantine Day 37

So here’s the thing. I am currently emotionally fragile and kinda depressed. I have three chapters of Bio and a Bio test that is due in 23 hours and 58 minuets. I also have a photography project and three chapters of Art to read due on Monday. I also need to finish ;laundry, vacuum my room, wash my sheets and so a face mask cause my skin be looking rough. You wanna know how I spent my day instead of doing any of that? Playing an iPhone dragon game. I need a bit of a reset. I am going to try and pull an all nighter and reset my schedule a bit. I very much would like to go back to my human hours and get away from my gremlin hours. So here’s the plan: Step One: Do NOT sit or lie in bed for any reason. Step Two: Do NOT play merge dragons on my phone. Step Three: rotate my tasks when I get task fatigue so I am doing something different instead of giving up (also take breaks). I don’t even know if I can pull an all nighter anymore but we are going to see. Wish me luck.

Edit: I changed my mind I am going to force myself to get up early in the morning and do it then.

Quarantine Days 34, 35, & 36

I know, I know I haven’t posted in a couple of days. I had an research paper due yesterday that I put off and I buried myself in it and by they time I got to tired to work on it I didn’t want to type anymore. Honestly there wasn’t really anything new to say on days 34 and 35 anyway. Everything was kinda numb now.

Today was pretty good. Was able to wake up before 9AM and I did a whole chapter of Biology. It was good and productive!