July 2019 Wrap Up

Welcome to my July wrap up! I got a little bored of just writing a straight review of the book and them posting so I thought I would change it up a little bit and do a end of the month wrap up and see how I like it. I read a total of 6 books this month which breaks my previous four book record by two books (hopefully I can read 8 in August). 6 books and 1993 pages. I was feeling a very strong Ocean/Siren/Pirate them this month so basically all of the books I read had either pirates or sirens/mermaids or both in them.

There is more then one way to steal a heart.

The first on the chopping block was To Kill a Kingdom by Alexandra Christo. I loved this book! I ultimately gave it 4 stars mostly cause I felt it tried a bit to hard to edgy and dark in some places, but over all it was beautifully written and I loved the banter between Lira and Prince Elian. This is a twist on the classic Little Mermaid story written by Hans Christian Andersen and popularized by Disney. The relationship between Elian and Lira was perfection and the character development in both was beautifully crafted. I literally cannot say enough good things about this book! My favorite quote is “How strange that instead of taking his heart, I’m hoping he takes me.”

To catch a pirate one must think like a pirate.

This is one of my all time favorite books. My copy is legitimately being held together by tape and will power. To this day I find nothing wrong with any of the characters. To Catch a Pirate by Jade Parker is a quick, cute, and easy read and I will love it and stan it forever. I think Annslisa and James are adorable together. I love their banter. I love how he brings out the pirate in her and she brings out the law abiding citizen in him. I love that it takes place in the 1700s (sorry not fantastical elements here). Its just straight YA historical romance. I gave it 5 stars! My favorite quote is ” I’ll always be there, Anna, in every ship you see sailing past. I’ll be the wind in it’s sail.”

There is fine line between love and revenge.

Sea Witch by Sarah Henning is by far my favorite read of this month and maybe this year. I was absolutely blown away by the writing and the imagery and the dialog and the love story and just literally everything. I have been begging my best friend to read it ever since I finished it. The atmosphere is everything! I LOVE IT SO MUCH I DON’T EVEN KNOW WHERE TO BEGIN! Just run, like actually run, and get this book and read and fall in love with it! This was obviously a 5 star read for me and it will make an appearance on my favorites of 2019 list. My favorite quote is “There is yet to be love in this story. Only coincidence and horticulture.” The second one in this duology dropped yesterday and i cannot wait to get paid so I can get it in mu hot little hands!

Sometimes you have to sacrifice everything for family.

This was a 4 star read for me, mostly cause I felt that Caledonia got weaker as the story progressed and is on a self imposed redemption arc. Also cause my favorite character dies and I wasn’t okay with that and for the impending love triangle I feel coming. The second book in the trilogy drops in September and I can’t wait cause I really know what happens to Cala and her crew. I feel as if I’m supposed to ship Cala with Oran but like I really love the dynamic between her and Lir and for them to get together would require some intense character development ans like I’m here for that, but I’m also not holding my breath for that. Seafire by Natalie C. Parker is a beautiful homage to Pirates and dystonia. The world she creates in this trilogy is intense and I want to explore it way more. My favorite quote from the story is a toss up between “Never underestimate the girls of this world.” and ” When I want a kiss, I will be the one to take it.” Also this has absolutely nothing to do with the story, but I am very upset that they changed the covers for the second one (they released a edition of the first one to match) because I find it really ugly and the cover on the first one was absolutely GORGEOUS! I mean LOOK AT IT! For a book nerd it’s swoon worthy!

The last two books for the month were Daughter of the Pirate King and Daughter of the Siren Queen by Tricia Levenseller. Both were 3 star and 4 star reads respectively. I was a bit look warm with the first one mostly because I found Alosa to be a tad full of herself and not quite as smart as she thought she is, but as the story continued on she got a lot better especially in the second one. I loved the banter between Alosa and Riden and I liked watching their relationship form and grow over the duology. I also liked how the roles were a bit reversed in the fact that Riden was the one who wanted to talk about feelings and that Alosa was the stand offish one. I didn’t like how easily she turned on her father in the second one I wanted there to be a tad more inner turmoil on that front. I am loving the mostly/all female crew theme that is happening in YA Pirate themed books right not though! My favorite quotes are ” I am me because I choose to be me. I am what I want. Some say you have to find yourself. Not I. I believe We create ourselves to be what we want.” and “I may not have been born in the sea, but I was born to rule it. I am the daughter of the Siren Queen.”

Tiger’s Dream (Tiger’s Saga #5) By Colleen Houck

This was my absolute favorite in the entire series. For those of you keeping track that means it now goes: Dream, Voyage, Curse, Destiny, Quest. The perspective change was actually really refreshing. Thankfully Kishan isn’t quite as whiny as Kelsey is, but he is pretty bull headed and there were still several times in the book where I wanted to literally smack him. I adore Anamika/Durga (Ana) as a character! I found her to be well rounded and a strong female character. Shes sure of her self and knows what she wants and goes after her and yet there is such a vulnerability to her cause of what she went through as a child. To me the book stands apart from the original 4 but its also defiantly not a stand alone. Its almost like a prequel but not really. The way I kinda described it to my friends is that if the first four books were a movie the 5th would almost be like a prequel mixed with behind the scenes bonus content mixed with an epilogue.

This book kinda jumps all over the place and plays with all kinds of timelines. We learn what happens to Kishan after he stays with Durga and how the curse came into being and how the mechanics of the curse worked. I found it all be really interesting the way it was pieced together is so layered and intricate its really mind boggling. I got answers to questions I didn’t even know I had. I think my favorite thing was watching Kishan and Ana go from adversaries to friends to lovers to soulmates. The love story to me was a lot more my speed then Ren and Kelsey’s. Ren and Kelsey were insta-love turned on again off again on again lovers, while Kishan and Ana were this slow build to trust and friendship and eventually two people madly in love. I mean the book is about 800 pages and for about 600 of those pages they can barely admit their feelings to themselves it seems. I also really enjoyed watching Kishan grow as a character more. We finally get to see him heal from the loss of the two women he thought he loved and heal from what he perceived to be his own failures. Kishan was definitely one of my favorite characters from the previous four books along with Kadam, but Ana really stole the show for me. Houck did a fantastic job in creating a really strong female lead here (if only she had done that for Kelsey). Ana is a drop dead gorgeous women. Kishan often describes her beauty in his inner monologues, but not only does he describe he beauty he describes her strength as a warrior as well as her venerability as a human. It makes her instantly likable as does the fact that she is unfamiliar with modern thing cause she was born in like the 16 or 1700s. Really what made me love the relationship between them was the Kishan sees her as an equal in every way. He wants to protect her but knows that she can protect herself. Ana views Kishan as an equal in every way too and she lets him protect her because its nice to be cared for. Unlike in Ren and Kelsey’s relationship where its seems Ren views Kelsey as a weak creature that needs protecting and Kelsey doesn’t really think she can protect herself. Ana is what Kelsey pretends to be really.

All in all for sure a five star read for me and one of my favorites of 2019 thus far. I think its a perfect addition to the saga as a whole and completes the story. Totally made me feel all the feels I felt reading the first 4 for the first time.

Midnight Musings #2

Welcome back to Midnight Musings! It’s almost 5AM and I haven’t slept. Is probably a combination of the fact that my shitty job has seriously fucked my sleep schedule, thankfully i am going to be quitting very soon, and the fact that I can’t stop thinking. The sad thing is that its about a boy that has completely ghosted me. Really I should take a hint, right? Like obviously he doesn’t want to talk to you so you should just let it go, but you see the thing is I was really vulnerable with this guy and told him how I felt and he was like I just want to be friends and that was a 100% okay with me cause I really like talking to him and being his friend. I even told him why I took me so long to tell him because I have told male friends that I like them in the past and they always cut me out after I tell them and he said he didn’t plan on doing that to me. Well shocker of all shockers I guess he plans on it now it really fucking hurts. Fuck feelings they get me nothing and no where, well they bring me pain. I need to let it all go. I need to forget it and not worry about and I will. Once the deadline has passed I won’t spear it one more thought. God I though he was different. I wanted him to be different. Best part is I know he has the link to my blog. I wonder if her reads it? I wonder if he will see this? If he does know that I don’t appreciate being ghosted and if something is going on with you that caused you to ghost me then you can talk to me and if you ghosted me just because you didn’t want to deal with me or be my friend anymore or my feelings scared you then fuck you you’re a coward and not the person I thought and hoped you were. In other news I have a job interview in 5 1/2 hours so wish me luck with that. I’m going to crawl into bed and try to get at least 2 or 3 hours of sleep.

Tiger’s Destiny (Tiger’s Sage #4) by Colleen Houck

We have reached the end of the curse and things get HOT! The fourth and final task involves quite a lot of fire for our intrepid heroes. There are magical artifacts to retrieve and love triangles to resolve. In the grand scheme of the series Destiny is my 4th favorite with in the series. The ending is weird for me cause its the ending I wanted, but I’m not really pleased with circumstances of it. Up in till 2018 this was the final book in the series and thus the last book in the series that I am rereading. Rereading this series has kinda shown me how much I have grown since 2012 when Destiny came out. I used to be a lot like Kelsey in the way that she is very insecure in who she was and in her relationships. Something that 16/17 year old me definitely identified with, because I was very insecure growing up and not just about my appearance but about everything really. To me Kelsey embodies 17 year old me that is if 17 year old me had two really hot Indian princes fighting for my attention, which shockingly never happened. Now rereading them as a 24 year old women who has gone through what I have been through and learning to love myself as I have I just don’t really identify with her anymore as a heroine or a character. That being said I still love the world and the series as a whole and I think it will always be one of my favorites. Also I am not going to lie I have been procrastinating this review… So I like may or may not have finished this book like a month ago and read five other books since (I totally did). I gave this one a three stars and I honestly don’t remember a lot of how I felt about the plot, other then how I felt about the ending and the characters overall. So lets talk about that.

So again as in Voyage there were several times where Kelsey was quite literally forced (like gun to your head kinda forced) to admit her true feelings for Ren and yet she stubbornly stays with Kishan. A fact that really rubbed me the wrong way especially in the end. I love Kishan as a character. I think at of all of them he has the most character development. He honestly could have been a bit more broody, but he goes from being a self exiled tiger to a man who has learned not only how to be human again but how to love again. He deserves more then what Kelsey gave to him. To Kelsey he was the safe choice, the back plan if you will, and to Kishan Kelsey was the world. I just feel like he deserved more then what he got. Nobody, fictional or otherwise, deserves to be a second choice. Its not a cool move and not only does it make you a coward for not facing your own feelings, but it makes you a jackass for giving somebody hope for something that is basically completely doomed. Not that Kishan didn’t have his flaws cause he did. Bro Code Rule #1: Don’t try and seduce your brothers girlfriend; even I know this and I’m a female and an only child and Kishan did it TWICE! Overall I felt Kelsey to be kind of a weak character, I mean she fights (kinda), but mostly she just gets rescued and then laments about how she can be with the love of her life because he will leave her (which honestly her proves to her that he would never do that in like the first book. It literally took a mind sweep and intense physical pain to make him not date her and even then he never actually left her so she trippin’). Ren wasn’t exactly the Prince I fantasized about as a young teenager. He was demanding, a bit controlling and although his conviction to be with Kelsey was always there he made choices that pushed her away and forced her to “attempt” to get over him and when it came down to it he choose his happiness over both Kelsey’s and Kishan’s. I will give him that it was hella obvious that she was still madly in love with him and would have been way happier with him then with out him, but since Kelsey was absolutely atrocious at communicating ANYTHING he knew nothing for sure for sure so its still kinda a dick move.

SPOILER ALERT (and completely not shocking at all): Ren and Kelsey end up together. Only because Ren absolutely refuses to be Durga’s tiger and leave Kelsey and if I am being completely honest with the way its written Kishan wouldn’t really have had much of a choice anyway even if Ren was willing to sacrifice cause it was pretty clear that Durga (Anamika) and Kishan had a connection that rivaled Kelsey and Ren’s. The one thing that I did find a bit shocking (at least the first time I read) was that Kelsey and Ren get married like only 6 or 7 months after leaving Kishan behind in the past. Like maybe press a slow down button and decompress form 2 years of fighting mythical creatures and 300+ years of being a weartiger maybe? Plus at the beginning of the series Kelsey had just turned 18 I believe and by the end I believe she is only 20 so like maybe talk 1 or 5 years to explore a relationship that doesn’t involve almost being killed. It just felt like Kishan was this afterthought and I didn’t particularly like it. Another character that I personally thought was pretty weak was Lokesh. He obviously played some kind of part in the story especially at the beginning but honestly he wasn’t needed. I he was boring and very one dimensional. He didn’t really have any motives other then power which is always a goal of a villain but like it was his only motive and he really didn’t go after it in a way that would have made him a more formidable foe. He was just blah to me.

July 15th 24 Hour Readathon

UPDATE (July 16th): I got zero reading done yesterday! I was a bit over ambitious and after working on my bullet journal and doing laundry yesterday morning I had worn myself out and decided to take a nap which turned into me waking up shortly before meeting my friend for some shopping and then spending they day with her. When I got home I basically crawled into bed and just scrolled on the phone and was asleep by 10. All these books are still on my July TBR though and I do plan on finishing most of them before the month is out.

Good Evening! Morning? Either way I have to reset my sleep schedule because on of my oh so lovely coworker decided to no call no show this week so I got to work six shifts in five days this week and working 16 hours straight throw my very delicate sleep schedule into a tizzy. So in order to accomplish this I have decided, in all my infinite wisdom, have decided that a 24 hour readathon was the perfect way to accomplish this. It also service the dual purpose in allowing me to get ahead in my reading list. I bet another one of my co-workers $50 that I couldn’t read 60 books in a year and I am a bit behind. But I am determined to win that money.

So I have a bit of an ambitious TBR (5 Books) but I figure its better to be ambitious then under estimate yourself. Right? I am 56 pages into Daughter of the Pirate King by Tricia Levenseller so I plan on finishing that today and then moving on to the squeal Daughter of the Siren Queen. Also in my TBR pile is Girl at Sea by Maureen Johnson, Sugar Skulls by Lisa Mantchev & Glenn Dallas, and The Beholder by Anna Bright. I also have some things I have to take care of today , Like laundry and some serious quality BFF time with my bestie. So I’ll be happy if I get through half of my TBR. So I guess wish me luck and I will keep y’all updated!

Tiger’s Voyage (Tiger’s Saga #3) By Colleen Houck

Voyage is my favorite of the series because of two things: dragons and yachts. If I ever find myself in possession of A LOT of money you best believe I am going to buy a very large yacht and just sail around the world with all my books. Alas that is not how my life is destined to turn out but at least I can live vicariously through Ren, Kelsey and Kishan. Our intrepid heroes are out to find Durga’s third gift and give the boys another 6 hours back. A lot happens in this installment of the series, actually before Dream was published last year Voyage was the longest book in the series by about 100 pages. We have to deal with Ren being a complete jerk, Kelsey being dense, Kishan being oblivious, and then of course a Kraken, a mega-shark, dragons and Lokesh.

Even though it is one of the longest books in the series it is the most action packed. With both Quest and Curse there were some definite lulls in the story where not much was happening plot wise. Quest is especially guilty of this as I would say a good 10 to 15% of the novel was Kelsey and Kishan doing mundane things around the house. Voyage on the other hand throws are heroes into it. Maybe its because they have to get a lot more magical creatures in this book then they do in the other two but it makes for a way more interesting read in my opinion. I also loves the inclusion of Asian mythology tied in with the Indian mythology already there.

Lets talk about out intrepid heroes shall we. Let me count the ways that Kelsey annoyed me: SHE IGNORES WHAT HER HEAD AND HER HEART AND LITERALLY EVERYONE AROUND HER SAYS! There are several parts in this story where she has to admit her true feelings for Ren and then she’s just like “nah brah I’m going to stay with Kishan cause he won’t leave me.” Which is not okay! Ladies some life advice if you are with somebody because you are scared of your feelings for someone else and the person your with is just the more “comfortable” choice then you are doing yourself a disservice and you not being fair to them. It is not okay! There are a couple of times during Kelsey’s inner monologue where she tells her self that Kishan isn’t a second choice hes just a different choice but then she’ll follow it up with something along the lines of how in love with Ren she is and that it scares her and I’m always like oh honey, HE’S YOUR SECOND CHOICE! Throughout the story she treats him like he’s her second option and really Kishan is just too dense to realize the it is painfully obvious that she is completely in love with Ren. I think one of the reasons that I love Kishan so much is that he is like a jealous person but he’s also kind of blind at the same time. Like when Kishan is being all lovey dovey on Kelsey and Ren is there to witness Ren wants to tear him apart, but when its reversed Kishan only notices like 50% of the time which is kinda hilarious. Other then Kelsey’s love life being an absolute mess she was kinda bad-ass in this. I mean she tricked not one but 2 dragons into helping her. She also kicks some Kraken and Mega Shark butt. Ren was also relatively annoying here. So for the first 3/5ths of the book we are still dealing with Ren’s memory block and let me tell you hes kind of an ass about it. Like I get it, it is physically painful for him to be around her but dear god he doesn’t have to be such a jerk about it. I think the thing that bothered me the absolute most is when Ren and Kelsey tries to date again and then he cant physically save her so he dumps her in the most asshole way he can pushes her on his brother and then parades the the most annoying women known to man in front of her and then gets his memory back and then expects her to jump right back into his arms. Like bro NO! That is not how this works. To Kelsey’s credit she didn’t jump when he said jump but nor should she have stayed with Kishan. (Although I’m not going to lie I still want Ren and Kelsey together.)

Voyage to me is the best installment of the series. If was going to put them in order from favorite to least favorite it would first. The plot is a lot more enticing and the characters grow more to me. I think the only other thing that I dislike is that Lokesh plays more of a role in this installment then the other two. He was introduced in the first one and kept Ren captive in the second, but he also didn’t really play a part past that. To me he is no that strong of a villain and feels like more of an after thought when it comes to the curse and breaking it. Like he’s hunting them down but hes not really trying to stop them from breaking the curse and he’s not trying to find Durga’s gifts to have the power for himself. His entire world domination plan is a bit vague and he’s not as scary as Houck wants him to be. But overall a great third installment!

Tiger’s Quest (Tiger Saga #2) By Colleen Houck

We are back for round two in the Tiger Saga and Kelsey is still irritating. Book 2 in this series wasn’t my favorite when I read them the first time and its not my favorite now. You would think it would be because of my recent fondness for Kishan, but nope. The second book takes us on a adventure to Shangri La sans Ren but plus Kishan. Near the middle of the book, after about a 100 or so pages of Kelsey being heart broken that she left Ren in India to go back to Oregon (I had very little sympathy for her cause she choose this), Ren finally shows up in Oregon only to get captured by Lokesh like two months later. Kelsey and Kishan subsequently spent months, MONTHS, finding the second gift and saving Ren.

So I have a couple issues with the book… The first is that while in the first book Kelsey mentions several times that she wants to go to college, but she doesn’t really mention what she wants to study. Then all of a sudden shes attending a university and already has her major and minor picked out for her as a freshman and a full course load of upper class classes that you can only take when you have met the prerequisites that shes never taken, like excuse me but what? The Feminist in me died a bit and the college student in me was just like that’s some major bs and then to top it off the “assignments” she would mention for a particular class had nothing to do with the class and made very little sense. Another thing about Kelsey’s college experience is that she made ZERO friends. Sure she went on dates (thank god for Li who I will talk about in a minuet) but like she made no friends. This is also something that I had a problem with in the first book as well and will probably continually have it for the rest of the series. I just need her to have a confidant that isn’t a 300+ year old man or her boyfriend or her boyfriend’s brother. Kelsey needs a girlfriend who she can confide in goddamn it. People need friends not just significant others and their families. Problem number 3 I have with this one is Kishan’s behavior while I think its funny and a bit cheeky to flirt with your brother’s girlfriend to get under his skin it is not however okay to actively pursue your brother’s girlfriend especially when she has made it very clear that it makes her uncomfortable and is confusing for her. A big chunk of the plot is basically how at this point Kelsey has spent more time alone with Kishan then with Ren and Kishan’s ever growing feelings for Kelsey. Kishan definitely takes several liberties that he most certainly should not have. For Kelsey’s part she takes it like a champ. She’s insistent that she is in love with Ren, but is confused by her feelings for Kishan. Which makes sense to me. If I had a guy that (at this point in the story) I had spent more one on one time with then my actual love, who looks and acts a lot like my actual love and who is constantly hitting on me and making advances and taking liberties he should definitely taking then well I’d be confused too. While I understand that there needs to be tension and a cliff hanger to encourage the reader to read the next book (Tiger’s Voyage) I really don’t like the ending. Its definitely a twist I didn’t see coming the first time around and a twist a did see coming the second time around (and not because i have already read them… okay maybe a little of that but I haven’t read this book since 2011, so lie 8 years ago, so I basically only remember the gist… It was kinda obvious near the end what was going to happen and I definitely knew what was going on a good 50 pages before Kelsey did.)

Now for the things I actually enjoyed about the story… First Li. I loved him as a character and I love that he gave Kelsey the kick in the ass she needed to confront her feelings for Ren. I also love him as a rival for Ren because they are so different yet so very similar. I love how Li is super nerdy and yet so very fit. I also loved Artie and not because he’s some great and lovable character. I love him because he’s a complete douche and I want to throat punch him. I know men like Artie. They think they are gods gift to women when really they aren’t even a gift to their mothers. The fact that he could even hold a candle to Ren amused me and I really wish Kelsey had let Ren loose on him cause Artie deserved a good ass whooping, maybe it would teach him something. I also know that in the last review and even in this one I lament over the fact that Kelsey has no friends, especially girlfriends, but she does have Nilima who plays a bigger role in this book then she did in the first. I enjoy the relationship between the two girls I just wish there was more of it. Another thing that I really enjoyed was the amount of mythology that was woven into the story and the description of Shangri La and the Fairy people. It was really beautifully crafted and written. Kelsey also has a great deal of character development in the sequel which is nice. She gets stronger and realizes that shes not quite as helpless as she believes. Although she still lacks a lot of self confidence, agency and power, but she’s made some baby steps. All in all a solid 3 out of 5 stars.

Wink Poppy Midnight by April Genevieve Tucholke

Heroes and villains. Fairy tales and reality. Wink Poppy Midnight is a thrilling story that blends magic into the everyday lives of two girls and one boy. Wink is the sweet, innocent and whimsical eldest daughter of the Bell Family and Midnight’s new neighbor. Poppy is vicious and cruel and prefers it that way and the keeper of Midnight’s affections. Midnight is just a boy caught between the two.

I loved this book! Everything from the characters to the writing and the settings was just perfect. Tucholke does magical realism so freaking well it actually boggles my mind. There were several parts in the story where I was questioning what was real and what was the characters fantasies. Wink is the more whimsical of the three characters and is often portrayed as innocent with wide eyes crazy red hair. She is the second oldest of the Bell children and is an outsider to the rest of her town, although non of the Bell children seem to care. Wink was raised on a steady diet of fairy tales and magic. Her mom is a gifted fortuneteller and tarot reader, although she no longer reads her children cards. Because of this Wink looks at life through an almost magical lens of whimsy and mystery and views Midnight as the hero and Poppy as the wolf in her story. Although she never really views her self as the damsel in distress; more like the author. Poppy is the gorgeous Queen B of their small town. She is left to her own devices by her parents most of the time and she takes enjoyment out of being unnecessarily cruel to the people around her. Her character read like a sociopath for most of the book, actually all of the book, but you could tell there was at least some emotion there. Midnight is the old soul stuck between them. He’s soft around the edges and a bit of a romantic; he kinda has a bit of Wink’s whimsy and a little bit of Poppy’s capacity for cruelty (Although he doesn’t really have the stomach for it).

I think the best part about this book is the guessing game on who’s really who. After a few days to digest the book and really think about it its kinda like if Tim Burton directed a Studio Ghibli film in book form. I had my ideas on who would be the quote on quote “bad guy” but with every twist in the book they changed from one character to the next. Highly recommend for anyone looking for whimsical thrillers. Its defiantly on my favorites of 2019 list.

Tiger’s Curse (Tiger Saga #1) by Colleen Houck

Kelsey Hayes was just looking for a summer job to save up enough money to attend community college in the fall. What she go was a white tiger and a 300 year old Indian curse. When Kelsey started her two week stay at the local circus she wasn’t really sure what to expect, but it for sure wasn’t forming a bond with the resident white tiger only to find out that the tiger is actually a 300 year old cursed Indian prince. Kelsey embarks on the adventure of the lifetime to help save Ren from his curse, but she ends up not only risking her life but her heart in the process.

I am not going to lie this is my second read of this series (except for Tiger’s Destiny which only came out last year) I read the original 4 when I was in high school on the recommendation of a friend and immediately fell in love with the characters and the story. I was a little worried that they weren’t going to hold up and that I was going to fall out of love with them. Thankfully I didn’t and it is still some of my favorites of all time, definitely a guilty favorite, but a favorite nonetheless. Although Kelsey annoyed me just a touch more then I remember her doing when I was in high school, then again when I was reading them the first time Kelsey and I were about the same age and I related to her decisions a lot more. As a 16/17 year old girl I related to Kelsey’s insecurities a lot more then I do now. I am a fully grown adult (ish) women who had full confidence in her body and the way it looks. Kelsey feels that she isn’t pretty enough or worldly enough to be with a guy like Ren, which for the record is never true. People are attracted to the people they are attracted to no matter what either person looks like and you can’t tell someone that they aren’t attracted to cause that’s not your choice to make. So her going from I really like him to I can’t be around him and back and forth for about 150/200 pages is really annoying and the fact that she can be around the tiger him but not the man is also a bit mind boggling because they have the same mannerisms just one can talk. Another thing about Kelsey that kinda bugged me on the reread was that she is supposed to be “Durga’s Chosen One” but like shes not all what I picture a chosen one to be. Shes not really the symbol I would pick for female empowerment; in fact shes kinda meek. While she does have her moments where she stands up for her self they are few and far between. She is mostly just a damsel in distress. Shes really not a strong female lead and she is kinda isolated. She had zero friends and no family (well kinda no family). She had her foster family but they stop being mentioned about 100 pages in. She definitely has no friends. Really the only people she interacts with, talks to or about, are Ren, Kishan and Mr. Kadam. So if I was going to change anything I would give her a girlfriend that she could talk to and tell her that shes being an idiot.

Ren is pretty much the epitome of fictional boyfriend. Hes drop dead gorgeous, brave, charismatic, romantic, and loaded. I mean really what else could a girl want in a fictional guy? Its very obvious that there are some very strong romantic feelings coming from him for Kelsey pretty immediately. They only thing I didn’t like was that was no push back? Banter? Tension? I don’t really know how to describe it, but I love when characters have a bet of something something that makes them argue and bicker a bit before they fall in love and then makes them do it more then they do. Ren and Kelsey don’t have that. Not that their relationship is easy it obviously has some issues but really I guess it comes down to neither of them are sarcastic or sassy and I love me some sassy characters ( I see you Kishan and I love you). Speaking of Kishan I love him a lot more then I did when I originally read the books. High school me hated that he tried to come between Kelsey and Ren cause I shipped them so hard (and I still do honestly) but grown me greatly appreciates his wit and his sass. I also appreciate the fact that hes a bit rough around the edges.

All in all the story and the characters held up for the most part. Admittedly the book as a whole has some issues and its not the best work of literature I have ever read (that in my opinion would be Peter Pan by JM Barrie with anything by Jane Austin a close second) nor is it the worst (I’m looking at you Star Crosses Trilogy). Its still one of my overall favorites and I can see my self reading it again and again.

Midnight Musings #1

This is a series I am going to do that is completely stream of consciousness and unedited in any way. These are just going the thoughts I have in the middle of the night when I can’t sleep for whatever reason.

Its nearly 3 am and I still can’t sleep. The anxiety feels like a rock at the bottom of my stomach and I want to crawl out of skin. everything feels like its going to fall apart at any given moment. No stick that it already feels like its falling apart. I turn 24 in a few months and this is not how I saw my life going. I had big plans and I ruined them all. I haven’t graduated college, I still live with my parents, I work (what feels) like a dead end job. I don’t even like my major anymore and I am to scared to tell my parents cause I feel like they are finally (somewhat) proud of me. I’m not okay. I don’t feel okay. Every cell in my body is screaming for me to pack up my car and run as far away as I can. to just change my name and never look back. I feel the dark coming and I can’t help to think this one might be bad. I don’t find joy in anything and the truly scary part is that I have been taking part in my self care rituals like face masks, bubble baths and keeping my room clean and I still feel anxious and depressed. I dread going to work other then I get to see a particular person that kinda brightens my day a bit. Mostly I am just tired. Tired of always fighting. Always being on guard. I feel stuck. Stuck in my life, stuck in my body, stuck in my mind. Why cant there be a pause button? I need one. I need to get my shit together, but I have to find my shit first and I don’t think I ever will. God I need to sleep. I just can’t. I’m going back to therapy. I should have never stopped. It get better but you never are better. Maybe I’m just this broken thing. Doomed to never be fixed. Do I even deserve happiness at this point? I’d probably just fuck it up someway. I know I have people who love me and whom I love and I know they support me and are here for me, but its 3:30 AM and I am so very lonely it physically hurts. I guess its time to go try and sleep or maybe I’ll try to write. I have too much energy, then again I just have too much of everything.