Midnight Musings #3

Warning: This Midnight Musings is going to be about sex, rape, rape culture, and will also contain cussing. Also this is all of the top of my head and my own opinion.

Hi! Welcome to Midnight Musings brought to you by insomnia and depression. So I was scrolling on my phone and I decided that I was going to watch some Netflix, as one does, cause I was obviously not sleeping anytime soon. So I popped on Netflix and decided to watch 365 Dni (365 Days), because I have heard so much about and it and well I was… I would really like to say disappointed but I knew going in that I was most likely not going to like it… really I was just flabbergasted. The whole movie is just a high budget porno with better acting and no “money” shots. The plot, the term plot is used very loosely here, is that Massimo is a mafia boss who has an obsession with Laura and kidnaps her and gives her 365 days to fall in love with him before he will let her go. This movie started as a Wattpad book and really the only Wattpad trope that this movie is missing is that Massimo isn’t a werewolf (honestly would have made the movie better). The first 20 minuets or so of the movie is just really filler cause it sets up absolutely nothing other then to say why Massimo is the boss. After having a fight with her boyfriend on her birthday vacation to Sicily, Italy, Laura runs away to the streets and eventually gets kidnapped by some of Massimo’s men. When she wakes up she is in a extravagant room that is eventually unlocked and as she is trying to find the exit she turns to see a huge ass portrait of her and she is caught off guard and then Messimo is behind her saying “Are you lost, Baby Girl?” (Also I would like it known that there is one man and one man only that is allowed to call me Baby Girl and that is Shemar More.) She faints, cause duh, and when she comes to he explains that he has been obsessed with her for 5 years and basically stalking her and he has now kidnapped her and is giving her 365 days to fall in love with him. Which is just so fucked up. Like if you want someone to love you maybe… I don’t know… try asking them on a fucking date first?! Like Massimo his fucking HOT he could have just asked her. Anyway I digress, after she understandably tells him to fuck off he spends the next 10 minuets being VERY rough with her telling her that “he won’t touch her without her permission,” which he TOTALLY does like a lot. Like he’d fondling her breast .5 seconds after saying that. He’s also like “don’t provoke me. I don’t know how to be gentle.” Of course she is feisty and what I assume the author imagines a bratty submissive to be like. Really she is just really hot and cold one second she’s all up in his business and the nest shes telling to get fucked. She makes one VERY WEAK attempt to escape and eventually submits to him. Laura claims to be in love with him even though they have known each other for 2 months and have really haven’t have any kind of conversation that doesn’t involve some kind of twisted foreplay. He also refuses to tell her exactly what it is he dose and keeps her in the dark about basically everything.

Most of the sex scenes in this movie are graphic and rough. They are a distorted image of what it means to be a Dominate/Submissive relationship. At one point he chains her to a bed, with out her consent, and has another women preform oral sex on him as she is forced to watch. There are also several scenes where he says things along the lines of “I am going to fuck you when I want, where I want, whether you want to or not.” The whole thing is sick and twisted and a perverted view of what it means to be a part of the BDSM community. Yet a quick scroll through any social media under the hashtag 365 days and you will see hundreds if not thousands of women and young women (15-17) that are absolutely in love with Massimo and think his treatment of Laura is perfect and that’s the kind of relationship they want to have. When as a society have relationships and dating become so fucking toxic that we look to things like 365 Dni or even 50 Shades of Grey and go “you know what that relationship is better then the one I am in/have been in and that’s really hot.” Like I get wanting to have really hot sex. I do. I too want to have earth shattering sex, I just want to do it with someone who loves and respects me enough to not only have conversations about what gives us BOTH gratification but also the limits of those gratifications and the tolls they can take.

The BDSM community is one of constant communication. Partners have to communicate what they are and are not okay with, what their safe words are, what are hard limits and what are soft limits. BDSM sessions can be mentally, emotionally, and physically taxing and thus after care for both Dom and Sub is incredibly important to keeping communication, trust, and love in the relationship. I am so sick and tired of seeing people take this and turn it into some toxic ass fetish. Movies and books like 365 Dni and 50 Shades of Grey take the rough sex of the BDSM world, but none of the communication or after care. Hell in 50 Shades, Christian ignores her safe words entirely, is unnecessarily rough taking her virginity, and leaves her alone after a particularly violent session to crash. All of that is some toxic ass bullshit. I can also not stress this enough, YOU CAN NOT SIGN AWAY YOUR CONSENT! I will never understand why movies like these, that perpetuate toxic stereotypes, rape, and unwanted violent sexual acts, become so popular and women find them so “hot” and “sexy”. I know healthy relationships that function aren’t always the sexiest thing, but they can be.

A Court of Thorns and Roses spoilers ahead.

Take Rhys, form A Court of Thorns and Roses, for example. I will have a comprehensive review of A Court of Mist and Fury and A Court of Wings and Ruin up in July, but Rhys and Feyre’s relationship was so beautiful to read and MY GOD WAS IT HOT AND STEAMY! Chapter 48 and 55 told me I was single in about 65 different languages. Rhys respects Feyre and lets her do things on her own terms. He never forced her to do anything and always let her make her own choices. He treats her with such love, respect and humanity. He knows hes in love with her and that she is his mate really early, but because of that bond all he wants for her is to be happy. He is willing to let her marry Tamlin because he thinks it will make her happy. It isn’t until she asks for help that he comes to her aid. So not only is their relationship built of friendship, trust, mutual respect and constant communication, BUT they have some of the smuttiest sex I have ever read and I have read A LOT of fanfiction. There is a way to present healthy relationships in media with out loosing any of the steamy factor and yet screenwriters and authors alike choose to perpetuate toxicity instead. In a world of Christian Greys and Massimos be a Rhys. Find a Rhys. Cause ladies we don’t have time for this toxic bullshit anymore.

Quarantine Days 43-50

Today is going to officially be my last day of quarantine updates as I return to work on a regular biases today. I am not going to lie I am feeling really anxious about going to work today. I just feel that everything is changing so fast that by the time I get used to things they immediately change and I am not so great with change. I only got like 4 hours of sleep last night cause I just could not sleep and I spent most of yesterday feeling really blah and tired. I was just so unmotivated and unproductive. The rest of the week before that was pretty good. I had a really nice system down that was really nice. I am going to miss being home all the time. I was definitely made for staying home. I just prefer to be by myself and talk to the three people that I actually like. I dislike the outside world greatly and harbor 0 desires to return to it, but it is only 6 hours. It will be okay. Its all going to be okay.

Quarantine Day 42

Oh look a phone post! I went to work today. I was only supposed to be there for 2-3 hours and then ended up there for 4 almost 5. It was great (she says sarcastically). But really we got a shipment in and hopefully we will be opening back up again soon! I have to go in again tomorrow from 9 to god knows when but hopefully I will be done soon. Going into work kinda throws off my entire routine cause I’m not prepared for it. Usually I schedule everything around work but now I kinda schedule work around everything else and since I can’t say no well that means everything gets thrown off. Well see how this goes!

Quarantine Days 38-41

I am going to get back to posting daily I promise! Or at least I am going to try. The past couple of days have actually been really good and I have been able to be productive. Usually if I don’t wake up at a certain time I feel like I can’t be productive cause its not “perfect” or the day didn’t start according to plan. But the past few days I have been waking up when I wake up and then I brush my teeth and wash my face, then have breakfast and get dressed, and then I make my bed and then I sit down at my desk and make my to do list for the day and then I just do things on the list and I don’t put pressure on my self to finish the whole thing in one day. I do what I can do and the rest I move till tomorrow. At night I stop working on what ever I am working on, usually studying, by 8PM and then I shower have a snack and go to bed. Its been really nice.

I also am back on my Wednesday cleaning schedule which is kinda a relief. It went all willy nilly there for a minuet and I did not like it. I have also been doing my school work everyday which has been helpful or it will be helpful when I don’t have to do it all on Sunday. I have two finals next week and then the third on the 20th. Then I’ll be done. I’m actually kind of worried about my GPA, I need to have at least a 2.5 to transfer to Sam Houston and I have no idea if I am going to have that. I emailed an advisor and I am just waiting to hear back. If I don’t hear anything on Friday I am going to email again. I currently have two B’s and one C which I think I can possibly bring up to two A’s (at least one A for sure) and a B. The problem is I failed these exact classes last semester which is why I was put on Academic Suspension. I think these classes just “replace” those kinda but I’m not sure. I hope it won’t effect my graduating. I guess well shall see what happens. I am just going to keep moving forward no matter what. It will all work out in the end.

Quarantine Day 37

So here’s the thing. I am currently emotionally fragile and kinda depressed. I have three chapters of Bio and a Bio test that is due in 23 hours and 58 minuets. I also have a photography project and three chapters of Art to read due on Monday. I also need to finish ;laundry, vacuum my room, wash my sheets and so a face mask cause my skin be looking rough. You wanna know how I spent my day instead of doing any of that? Playing an iPhone dragon game. I need a bit of a reset. I am going to try and pull an all nighter and reset my schedule a bit. I very much would like to go back to my human hours and get away from my gremlin hours. So here’s the plan: Step One: Do NOT sit or lie in bed for any reason. Step Two: Do NOT play merge dragons on my phone. Step Three: rotate my tasks when I get task fatigue so I am doing something different instead of giving up (also take breaks). I don’t even know if I can pull an all nighter anymore but we are going to see. Wish me luck.

Edit: I changed my mind I am going to force myself to get up early in the morning and do it then.

Quarantine Days 34, 35, & 36

I know, I know I haven’t posted in a couple of days. I had an research paper due yesterday that I put off and I buried myself in it and by they time I got to tired to work on it I didn’t want to type anymore. Honestly there wasn’t really anything new to say on days 34 and 35 anyway. Everything was kinda numb now.

Today was pretty good. Was able to wake up before 9AM and I did a whole chapter of Biology. It was good and productive!

Quarantine Day 31

Last night was pretty rough cause I didn’t go to sleep till like 6AM so I spent most of the day sleeping, but I was able to get all my homework done. I was actually going over all the stuff I have left to do for school this semester and realized that I am very close to being finished and to me that’s just insane cause that means I am very close to getting my associates degree. After homework the day was very chill. I watched Bindi Irwin’s wedding special with my mom. I was a huge Steve Irwin fan (and still am) when I was a kid. I have cried over only 2 celebrity deaths and those were Steve Irwin and Robin Williams. Irwin was my absolute hero and my first celebrity crush; I was absolutely enamored with him. I have just loved watching her grow up and I know her dad would be so proud of her. Her and Chandler make me believe in soulmates.

Quarantine Day 30

Well kids we mad it a whole ass month in quarantine and lemme tell you I simultaneously love it and hate it. I love it cause I love not having to deal with people and not having to go anywhere and I get to see my parents, especially my mom since we often work opposite schedules, whenever I want. I hate it cause I have no purpose, time means nothing, and I have reverted to the goblin I am. I think things are going to start opening back up again here soon. Gov. Abbott announced Retail To-Go the other day, I have no idea how that one would work but its something I guess. My company is figuring out next steps so I guess we shall see. I personally think its a bit early. The US numbers in general are pretty high still. I mean I have 320 current cases in my hometown as I type this and if I was a governing official I would wait till that number was at least below 10 preferably 5 but that is just me. As far as the day goes I wasn’t a full on sloth like normal and I had bouts of productivity. Tomorrow I am going to try my very best to be actually productive. It seems I have about a week of a depressive episode and 4-5 days of mania and then back to depression. I can handle that cycle I think. it has not been the best so far but it hasn’t been 2010 bad or even 2013 bad so I think we are doing pretty great! I call it a win!